10+ hour, 34+ min ago  (223+ words) This declaration on a dating app translates to: "man willing to date someone temporarily." The man in question is 33-year-old Scott Tolbert, who describes himself on his dating app profile as "looking for a long-term relationship, but open to short....

10+ hour, 31+ min ago  (425+ words) The Hard Times LOS ANGELES " Martin Espinosa, a local CVS employee tasked with unlocking the store's glass cases containing creams, ointments, and other topicals for the embarrassing conditions of self-conscious customers, confirmed that he never forgets a face. "Unfortunately, I…...

10+ hour, 35+ min ago  (381+ words) The Hard Times COSTA MESA, Calif. " Apparel and skateboarding shoe brand Vans is partnering with elder care brand Life Alert to cater to their aging clientele, representatives confirmed. "We figured that eventually our customer base would shift to the younger…...

20+ hour, 13+ min ago  (339+ words) The Hard Times Amidst the largest homeless crisis in modern day history, The International Olympic Committee was able to raise 7 billion dollars to bravely build temporary sports arenas all over Northern Italy. What an absolute slam dunk for all of…...

2+ day, 11+ hour ago  (409+ words) thehardtimes. net "I am unshackled from the chains of serfdom and lavatory signage," said Le Farge, chapter house president for the Sacramento Free People"s Alliance. "We, the Free People of California grow weary, and the urinal"s out of…...

2+ day, 11+ hour ago  (390+ words) The Hard Times ALBUQUERQUE " Local 12-year-old audiophile Jimmy Johanson reportedly insists that famed accordion virtuoso "Weird Al" Yankovic"s music sounds "warmer" on vinyl, sources confirmed. "There is no denying it, the only way to truly get the full Weird…...

2+ day, 5+ hour ago  (345+ words) Well, that was exhausting. But also, fulfilling" in a way that I probably shouldn't explicate on in case any legal officials are paying attention. But for the rest of you rough-and-tumble millennials just trying to make it through the day-to-day,…...

3+ day, 7+ hour ago  (424+ words) The Hard Times BROOKLYN HEIGHTS, N. Y. " Ramones drummer Marky Ramone announced an upcoming reunion show that will feature hologram versions of Joey Ramone, Johnny Ramone, and Dee Dee Ramone, confirmed sources who couldn't wait to maybe check it out. "It's been…...

5+ day, 5+ hour ago  (412+ words) thehardtimes. net PORTLAND, Ore. " The Black Hole House of Portland reportedly contains a microwave which needs to be preheated, according to concerned yet surprisingly apathetic visitors. "The microwave has definitely seen some things, like aluminum foil, and even though it…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago  (426+ words) The Hard Times BOSTON " While classic rock band Aerosmith"s hit 1987 single "Dude Looks Like a Lady" has not aged well, it ultimately sucks too hard to worry about its problematic nature, sources confirmed. "The world has certainly evolved past…...