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News
Announcers Watch Angels-Royals Game In Total Silence
1+ day, 11+ hour ago (111+ words) The post Announcers Watch Angels-Royals Game In Total Silence appeared first on The Onion. Artist Overappreciated In His Lifetime Copy Of Key To City Made For Girlfriend Aunt Wants Picture Of Cake Glider Crash Quietly Kills 2 Area Man Asked For…...
Cheryl Hines Walks In On RFK Jr. Vivisecting Self Again
1+ day, 23+ hour ago (310+ words) WASHINGTON—Coming to an abrupt halt in the bedroom doorway and staring in surprise at her husband’s exposed entrails, actress Cheryl Hines reportedly walked in Tuesday on Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. vivisecting himself again. “Oh,…...
Ms. Taylor and the Mailman
1+ day, 23+ hour ago (137+ words) Apparently the main character’s mom and the quirky mailman are married now even though we never saw them interact this whole movie. The post Ms. Taylor and the Mailman appeared first on The Onion. Artist Overappreciated In His Lifetime Copy…...
Trump Downplays Significance Of Trump Tower Found On Epstein Island
1+ day, 23+ hour ago (272+ words) WASHINGTON—Dismissing news of the 70-story skyscraper as a “hit job” manufactured by the mainstream media, President Donald Trump downplayed Thursday the significance of a Trump Tower found on Little St. James, the island once owned by the late child…...
Artist Profile: Phoebe Bridgers
1+ day, 23+ hour ago (144+ words) Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed Singer-songwriter Phoebe Bridgers has released Lost Weekend, her third studio album. Here’s everything you need to know about the artist. Genre: Bummed out in H&M Biggest Influence: SNOOZ Pro Original Smart White Noise…...
Former Bangladeshi Leader To Return From Exile Despite Death Sentence
1+ day, 23+ hour ago (98+ words) Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed Former Bangladeshi Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina, who was convicted of crimes against humanity for ordering the killing of protesters in 2024, vowed to return to the country despite facing a death sentence, claiming it was…...
No One Translated To Foreign Players Why They Currently In Cornfield
2+ day, 13+ hour ago (116+ words) The post No One Translated To Foreign Players Why They Currently In Cornfield appeared first on The Onion. Copy Of Key To City Made For Girlfriend Aunt Wants Picture Of Cake Glider Crash Quietly Kills 2 Area Man Asked For Opinion…...
Karoline Leavitt Slams Toddler Son Over Baseless Accusations That Caterpillar Very Hungry
2+ day, 15+ hour ago (309+ words) WASHINGTON—Blasting the 2-year-old’s incessant lying to the American people, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt on Thursday slammed her toddler son over baseless accusations that the caterpillar was very hungry. “Time and time again, this vindictive child has served…...
Pros And Cons Of Flock Cameras
2+ day, 21+ hour ago (140+ words) Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed Surveillance company Flock’s automatic license plate readers, which are used by over 5,000 law enforcement agencies across 49 states, are generating controversy. The Onion examines the pros and cons of the technology. Helps police officers violates…...
Tearful Mark Zuckerberg Smothers Metaverse Avatar With Digital Pillow
2+ day, 23+ hour ago (280+ words) Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed ‘You Must Go Now,’ CEO Tells His Flailing Virtual Double PALO ALTO, CA—Telling himself he had “no other choice” but to end the simulated character’s life himself before his company effectively pulled the…...