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News
Confirmed: Reel Of All Your Life's Bloopers To Be Played When You Arrive In Heaven
7+ hour, 44+ min ago (231+ words) ETERNITY — According to heavenly sources, the newly deceased who enter into the Lord's rest are shown a blooper reel that spans their entire lives for everyone to laugh at. Hot off the heels of judgment, newcomers in Heaven must also…...
Trump Officially Classifies Liberal Women As Terrorist Organization
8+ hour, 10+ min ago (26+ words) WASHINGTON, D.C. — In remarks delivered from the Oval Office on Tuesday, President Donald Trump announced that he had officially classified liberal women as a terrorist organization....
Hollywood Working On Darker, Grittier Reboot Of 'Howdy Doody"
9+ hour, 14+ min ago (226+ words) LOS ANGELES, CA — Nearly 65 years after The Howdy Doody Show was canceled, NBCUniversal announced plans to bring back the beloved character in a dark, gritty reboot. Children in the 40s and 50s who grew up watching The Howdy Doody Show are now…...
7 Other Costumes Target Was Forced To Pull Due To Racist Connotations
9+ hour, 56+ min ago (138+ words) Retail giant Target came under fire this week for selling a "Blacklight Circus Clown Halloween Costume," which essentially amounted to a kid in blackface dressed like a Jim Crow-era minstrel. Whoops! However, that wasn't the only costume Target was forced…...
Apocalypse Draws Near As Last Remaining Universally Beloved Human Being Passes Away
10+ hour, 44+ min ago (0+ words) ...
WNBA Forced To Admit Kanter Is A Woman After He Causes Big Dramatic Scene
13+ hour, 25+ min ago (26+ words) U.S. — After Enes Kanter caused a big dramatic scene in public, the WNBA was forced to admit that the former NBA player is indeed a woman....
Father Puts Kids Up For Adoption After They Say 'UHF' Isn't Funny
1+ day, 7+ hour ago (39+ words) PEORIA, IL — County officials said they would not stand in the way after local man Christopher P. Smith putting his children up for adoption after they told him the 1989 "Weird" Al Yankovic film UHF wasn't funny....
Bible Scholars Now Believe David Yelled, 'Kobe!' While Hucking Stone At Goliath
1+ day, 8+ hour ago (30+ words) VALLEY OF ELAH — A group of theologians and biblical scholars recently concluded that there was reason to believe that David yelled "Kobe!" while hucking a stone at Goliath....
Trump Threatens Military Action To Take Control Of Canada's Maple Syrup Supply
1+ day, 9+ hour ago (27+ words) WASHINGTON, D.C. — With tensions rising over an ongoing trade dispute, President Donald Trump threatened to send in the military to seize control of Canada's maple syrup supply....
Bruce Banner Reveals His Secret To Becoming Hulk Is That He's Always Angry At The Jews
1+ day, 9+ hour ago (44+ words) NEW YORK, NY — Over the weekend, Dr. Robert Bruce Banner shared a little insight into how he was able to maintain some semblance of control over his transformation into the Incredible Hulk by confirming a deep, personal secret: he's always…...