News
Win Makerfield, romance Shabana Mahmood, raise Brexit from the dead: the Seven Trials of Andy Burnham
1+ hour, 56+ min ago (621+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" ANDY Burnham must pass seven trials to become prime minister. These are they:" To earn the right to Downing Street, the King in the North Across the Water must…...
First-class train ticket well worth it for sense of superiority
2+ hour, 56+ min ago (678+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" TRAVELLING first-class by train offers the priceless experience of being far better than one's fellow man, a passenger has discovered." Jack Browne paid the extra for a first-class journey…...
Baby names, long emotional messages to men, unattainable life goals: what girls have in their phone notes
3+ hour, 57+ min ago (661+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" CAMERON, Ezra, Hector? 22 reasons why you're emotionally dead and need therapy, Mark. Become size eight. A woman's Notes app offers regrettable insights:" Begins "eggs, milk' before collapsing into "stop…...
Trump's guide to becoming a pathetic beta male when confronted with a real leader
3+ day, 4+ hour ago (407+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" ONE of Trump's few skills is simping for authoritarian bastards, and his trip to China is no exception. Here is how he's taking on a submissive beta role. Trump…...
Gangster collecting "2m cash wondering if he gets the holdall free
3+ day, 2+ hour ago (675+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" A CRIMINAL taking delivery of "2 million in cash from a heist is wondering if he can keep the bag it comes in. With the handover arranged to take place…...
Woman against one-night stands keeps man pointlessly hanging around for eight months
3+ day, 21+ hour ago (243+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" A 26-YEAR-OLD woman who prides herself on not having one-night stands has instead unnecessarily kept one in her life for two-thirds of a year." Sophie Rodriguez values herself too…...
Mash True Crime: 'Is doing episodes about my death row boyfriend a conflict of interest?"
3+ day, 23+ hour ago (814+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" Podcaster Jade Grimes doggedly investigates the latest crimes despite her complete lack of qualifications to do so and police pleas to stop JADE here, back after a break visiting…...
We ask you: How will you stop politics influencing your sacred Eurovision vote?
3+ day, 21+ hour ago (153+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" THE Eurovision Song Contest is a safe space away from any political leanings, which is why Ukraine beat Sam Ryder in 2022. How will you keep it that way?" Carrie…...
King's Speech includes list of whiny little bitches
5+ day, 1+ hour ago (451+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" A LATE addition to the King's Speech has the monarch listing a number of Labour MPs and cabinet members who "will henceforward be known as whiny little bitches'." The…...
Office workers calling for 'orderly timetable' for boss to resign told to f**k off
6+ day, 3+ hour ago (591+ words) Follow our new Facebook page to get your fix of Mash" Procurement office Hannah Tomlinson said: "Oh dear. He's mishandled that badly, and that's going to hurt him. But oddly, he doesn't seem to care? "I explained that he's lost…...