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News
FIFA to introduce 256 team World Cup
14+ hour, 1+ min ago (276+ words) After the 'overwhelming success of our 48 team World Cup', FIFA have announced that future tournaments will consist of 256 teams. FIFA Head, Geniuso Infinitissimo, stated he was aware that there were fewer than 256 associations within FIFA but that a bigger tournament…...
New Chancellor announces plan to tax mud
16+ hour, 24+ min ago (307+ words) John Healey's first announcement as Chancellor is that he is introducing a tax on mud. A statement explained, 'I have long been concerned by the inequality of mud throughout the UK, the wealthy have a lot of it and those…...
Great Train Robbery 'Just an honest mistake"
1+ day, 15+ hour ago (143+ words) Great Train Robbery 'Just an honest mistake' NewsBiscuit A Public Enquiry into The Great Train Robbery has concluded that Ronnie Biggs and his friends 'inadvertently' took bags filled with cash believing them to be their own suitcases. Britain’s Special Envoy…...
Anticipating the meeting of the 't-shirt Premiers"
1+ day, 18+ hour ago (9+ words) Anticipating the meeting of the 't-shirt Premiers' NewsBiscuit...
Trump signs 'genius' nuclear armageddon deal with Saudi Arabia
1+ day, 18+ hour ago (245+ words) Hot upon the heels of turning the entire Middle East into a war zone by attacking Iran at Israel's behest, Donald Trump has agreed to give Saudi Arabia all the equipment it needs to refine material for an atomic bomb....
It's all pay after British PMs embarrassed their alma mater
2+ day, 18+ hour ago (11+ words) NewsBiscuit...
Electricians reject Burnham's 'circuit breaker' idea
2+ day, 18+ hour ago (261+ words) NewsBiscuit Electricians have poured cold water - never a good idea when electricity is involved - on the new Prime Minister's call for a 'circuit breaker' for the entire country. 'It's just not practical,' said Des from Bromley, while putting in a…...
First his wife, now Andy Burnham’s female neighbours to be criticised for their dress sense
3+ day, 9+ hour ago (94+ words) NewsBiscuit Andy Burnham's neighbours in Warrington are receiving fashion guidance to ensure that anybody in close proximity to the new PM meets the approval of online harridans who spend their time dreaming up ways to insult other women. 'I just…...
An important message from your water company – stop using water!
3+ day, 18+ hour ago (232+ words) The country is currently experiencing a prolonged period of hot, dry weather. As you may have noticed, there is currently less water falling from the sky than usual, and water supplies are getting low. This has come as a complete…...