News
An Open Letter to My Eight-Year-Old Following His Harrowing Battle with Norovirus Early on a School Day
2+ hour, 15+ min ago (128+ words) My Dear Third Grader, I am terribly sorry you got sick at school this morning. I should have believed you when you said you were not feeling well, even if this was your tenth time saying that this month alone....
Relax, We Can't Invoke the Twenty-Fifth Amendment Every Time a President Threatens to Murder Millions of People
21+ hour, 14+ min ago (352+ words) Look, we all know it's been a rough couple of weeks. We're a month into a war that even the most die-hard MAGA loyalists didn't want, and things have gotten so bad that it finally broke Tucker Carlson. He's beginning…...
The Shocking Truth About This President That We've Been Sitting on for Months Is Now Available for Preorder
1+ day, 2+ hour ago (291+ words) Sadly, for all involved, this line of inquiry fundamentally misunderstands the role of political access journalism, publishing, and, perhaps most critically of all, some pretty sweet jacket design. To begin with, the suggestion that one has "sat on" revelations of…...
Reviews of New Food: Hormbles Chormbles
1+ day, 1+ hour ago (751+ words) As a longtime gym-goer, I am the target audience for all manner of protein-packed bullshit. Protein coffee? Can't start the day without it. Protein salsa? Pass the chips. At the height of my weightlifting fixation, there were years when the…...
President Nyarlathotep Is Simply Engaging in Classic "Mad Outer God" Negotiating Tactics
1+ day, 20+ hour ago (933+ words) Mc Sweeney's Internet Tendency "An enduring literary presence. Chicago Tribune "Brilliant and always surprising. Detroit Free Press Use the code TENDENCY at checkout for $5 off. President Nyarlathotep Is Simply Engaging in Classic "Mad Outer God" Negotiating Tactics Calm down. I…...
An Excerpt from Johanna Gohmann and Emily Flake's New Book All Toddlers Are Scorpios
2+ day, 1+ hour ago (178+ words) Mc Sweeney's contributor Johanna Gohmann channels the chaos and charm of life with a toddler into All Toddlers Are Scorpios a hilarious astrology guide illustrated by cartoonist (and Mc Sweeney's contributor) Emily Flake. We're thrilled to share an excerpt today…...
My Country vs. My Country
2+ day, 2+ hour ago (159+ words) My youngest son tells me I look very tired. "Like dead tired, Mom." "Okay," I respond. "War is exhausting." He stares at me for a long time and then asks if I think I can look into another person's eyes,…...
Exist. Female - Mc Sweeney's Internet Tendency
2+ day, 21+ hour ago (679+ words) #" #File: exist. female #Last Updated: Before you were born #Status: Auto-enrolled #Effective Date: Immediately #Opt-Out: Not Available #Note: You did not click anything. #Note: It's still your problem....
What's Happened to the Party of Lincoln?
3+ day, 2+ hour ago (414+ words) My God. What has happened to the Republican Party? The Party of Lincoln, for goodness" sake! Nothing about them resembles the Party of Lincoln. Like, for instance, they have a signature hat, but it"s not a stovepipe one. They…...
I Still Believe in the Inherent Goodness of Humankind, and the Literal Existence of the Easter Bunny
5+ day, 21+ hour ago (322+ words) Wherever I look, my gaze can find something horrific on which to focus. Whether it be news of atrocities committed by our fascist-leaning governments, obvious acceleration towards environmental collapse, or the Criterion Collection's glaring omission of the Jackass series, heinous…...